How to learn to love menstruation
If you want to explore your own relationship with menstruation, keep reading:
I find that sometimes I’m still guilty of giving into the narrative of “ugh” when it comes to my menses. But really, instead of this taking the form of dread and wishing-away of the inevitable, I hold this time with reverence and a deep of sense of listening - especially if it’s uncomfortable, challenging, raw and tender.
Now, this time comes with a deep desire to cuddle up and sit in the certain type of tenderness that only comes with menstruation - the tenderness that is often deeply uncomfortable (cramps, soreness, anxiety, guilt, over thinking and obsessive thoughts, anyone?) and deeply empowering (saying what’s actually on my mind, somehow having the bravery to draw these boundaries, and feeling aligned with the cycles of the natural world).
I’ve compiled some questions to encourage you to reflect on your relationship with menstruation. I hope they guide you toward a more loving place with yourself through gentle inquiry.
There is no right or wrong answers to these questions.
How to do you talk about menstruation? Do you whisper when you talk about your menses? What kind of language do you use? Do you use words such as “Aunt Flo” or call it things like “Shark Week”? Do you find yourself complaining about it? Do you show gratitude?
What is your experience with menstruation? Is it easy? Difficult? Impossible? Is it problematic? How does it impact your life? How does it impact your sense of self? Is it overwhelming?
What kinds of physical symptoms are present - at any time of your cycle? Do you know what they mean? Do you have tools to navigate them? What kinds of mental symptoms are present - at any time of your cycle? Do you know what they mean? Do you have tools to navigate them? What kinds of emotional symptoms are present - at any time of your cycle? Do you know what they mean? Do you have tools to navigate them? What makes you feel better? What makes you feel worse? How do you manage this time?
When you get your menses, do you feel excitement? Relief? Disappointment? Regret? Anger? Do you invite it? Or wish it away? For what reasons?
Do you menstruate, or has that time of your life come and gone? Is it absent, appropriately timed or not? For reasons that makes sense, or not? For reasons that are fair, or not?
Even if you do not bleed - do you have a relationship with a cycle? Your cycle? Any cycle?
Do you find yourself blaming menstruation for certain actions, or feelings? Using it as an excuse or a scapegoat? (It’s okay if you do - there’s a healthy and loving way to do this.)
How frequently does it come? How long does your bleeding last for? How consistent are your cycles? What affects the frequency/duration/consistency of your cycles? How heavy? How light? What is the colour? The texture? The sensations? Do you wish your menses to be heavier? Lighter?
Do you really know your cycle? Do you track it? How do you know that you’re menstruation? How do you know that you aren’t?
What kind of emotions do you carry around your menses? Around our uterus? Ovaries? Or maybe even a lack-thereof? Your femininity? Your masculinity?
Do you feel shame around menstruation? Do you keep it hush-hush? Do you ever let on that you are on your period? See it as a sign of weakness? Do you find it vulgar as a point of conversation? Does it make you uncomfortable? Why?
Or are you in the camp of shamelessly announcing your bleeding? Do you bathe and let the water turn red? Water your plants with the contents of your cup? Or maybe even smear some of your menstrual fluid your body (and maybe even your face)? Do you ritualize your menses?
Do you free bleed? Use a cup? A pad? A tampon? Absorbent underwear?
How much do you pay? How accessible is this? Have you acknowledged your privilege in accessing the resources for your very basic needs as a menstruating person? Are you easily able to purchase or access what you need? Are you able to take time off work to rest, to tend to your needs?
Do you have sex while you’re menstruating? Masturbate? Have you noticed a connection between your menses and your libido? How have your sexual partners influenced your relationship with menstruation?
Is your menstruation the most troublesome aspect of your cycle? Or maybe before? After? When you’re ovulating?
Has your cycle become medicalized? Does it need to be? Does it need not to be?
Do you look at what comes out of your body? Are you open to learning about yourself through this medium? Do you feel squeamish if you see menstrual blood? Do you ever ponder on the fact that menstrual blood is portrayed as blue in advertisements? Or only really alluded to in marketing? And how that may have impacted your relationship with it? Your own, or others?
Do you acknowledge your menstrual cycle as a vital sign? (Did you know that the menstrual cycle was only declared as a vital sign in 2015?)
What’s been the role of hormonal birth control or pharmaceuticals in your experience? Have you received appropriate health or medical support that is helpful for you and your menstrual symptoms or complaints? Do you have healthcare providers that listen to you? Do you feel gaslit or unsupported? Have you received support that resonates with you?
What about birth? Pregnancy? Breastfeeding? Miscarriage? How has motherhood changed your menses? Or your relationship with it?
What about sexual experiences, or sexual partners?
Have you ever held reverence for your menarche? Ever reflected on what that first period looked like, the emotions you felt around it? How other people treated this time? What are the emotions and stigmas that still flavour your menstrual experience? Have you ever really wondered how the narratives you’ve been exposed to over the years have impacted your relationship with not only your menses, but your body, your wisdom, your sexuality?
Is there way to sit with your pain, with your discomfort, your menses, in a away that allows you to say “I’m here and I’m learning how to give myself what I need. I’m here and I’m willing to listen, to learn, to love. I’m here and I’m learning to rewrite this relationship.”
If you don’t like your menses, why? Let’s talk about it. Is there a root problem that’s needing to be addressed? Do you want to learn more, connect more, but are unsure of how to do so?
