personal: intuition
A wild thing has been happening to me lately: I can’t sleep.
But, that’s not the wild part. Yes, it’s unusual. I’ve always been able to sleep like a rock all night long. And now all of a sudden I am wide awake at random times in the depth of the night. Woken up by hardly anything, and absolutely everything. Not able to fall back asleep. Not able to fall asleep in the first place!
But the wild thing is, is how intuitive it is for me. I mean, I’m getting these crazy downloads of information in dead of night. While I’m frustrated and exhausted and confused, it seems to be happening for a profound reason.
When the world around me is quiet, I’m beginning to absorb this information I wouldn’t otherwise be paying attention to. Or maybe that’s just it - it’s been calling to me in the days, but I haven’t been listening.
But now I am.
Earlier in the week, I woke up at 2:00am and was awake for houuuuurs. Finally, I succumb to the fate of my early morning and pick up my phone to turn off my alarm… my alarm that was supposed to go off at 4:30am to wake me to teach my 5:00am class. But, it wasn’t set for 4:30am. It was set for 5:30am. Half an hour after the class was supposed to start.
As soon as I realized this all of my frustration disappeared and was replaced with gratitude. I was so relieved that I had been awake to catch my mistake. Otherwise I would have missed teaching my own class!
Last night (this morning?), I woke up around 4:00am and was wide awake. So wide awake and my mind was immediately turned on with this fierce focus and clarity. And not in the busy, chaotic egoic thought kind of way.
A way where my thought process was so clear and informative.
I’ve been feeling incredibly disconnected from my body, and I thought it was depression. Then I thought it was the anti-depressants. And now I’m off and in a stable (and good!) mental place, it’s becoming more and more obvious that there’s something more going on. It’s like I’m in this body, but it isn’t mine. For the first time in my life, I feel that this body is so foreign to me.
In my thought process this morning, it became so incredibly clear to me: I need to change my birth control.
What?! Where did that come from? I’m not having any problems with it! How is that going to fix this?! How is this going to deepen my connection to myself? I have no idea, but I trust it completely.
I feel it with every bone of my body.
Every. Bone.
This, is intuition. This, is trusting. This, is paying attention and letting the depth of wisdom I have within to lead me through this life.